TRANSCRIPT:

Was Jesus transgender? The very question keeps me up most nights in quiet contemplation. Yet, if pronouns are inherently biological as Mr. Shapiro and his ilk insist on, I can’t find any logical reason to answer in the negative. Jesus is clearly transgender.

If people like Shapiro are right, then pronouns naturally emanate from a person’s chromosomes as forgetfullness naturally emanate from Joe Biden & Diane Feinstein. Just as a pimple oozes puss, so to do genitalia ooze pronouns. But, Jesus is no ordinary pimple. If the Christians are right then, Jesus is no ordinary human puss-bucket of organs and moistness. Jesus is God become man! A puny mortal man at that!

(and yes, I understand Shapiro is a jew, not Christian but, JUDEO-CHRISTIAN VALUES GODDAMNIT!)

Did Jesus have XY karyotype? Did he have a male phenotype? [Whisper & echo] Did Jesus have a penis?

Well, he must have! Otherwise why would we be calling him he throughout the bible?

And yet, the good books seems to be hiding a darker truth than we ever imagined. The Tanakh, the New Testament of the Bible, and the Quran all refer to God as a He. But, not just any He, a capitalized He. Yet, God has no chromosomes. He has no puny mortal body, or a body of any kind (well, unless he’s Mormon) [show religulous clip]. But let’s just safely assume God isn’t Mormon

[whisper] He’s actually a scientologist! [flash a crazy pic of Tom Cruise, and end with Southpark Lord Xenu laugh]

This means that God’s pronouns must come from some other source. God is certainly a He; His gender is Male. But, not some puny mortal male. No, God’s gender is divine. He transcends karyotype, phenotype, animal, vegetable, and mineral damn it! This we can safely assume! But, and it’s a bigger butt than the one I sit on. If God became man through the god-man-boy Jesus, then God transitioned from having a divine gender, to a puny mortal gender. Thus, and I say this with no trepidation, only that which is self-evident shall flow from my mouth, Jesus was transgender.

He was also really gay by the way!

Facebook
Twitter
Youtube
Instagram
Patreon